Dear Military Spouse, I had an anxiety attack!



| D E A R   M I L I T A R Y   S P O U S E |

I recently had a panic attack and a major meltdown. I’m not the typical Military Spouse so let’s just get that out the way right now. I’m a Veteran. I know both sides of the military. I’m also a mother like many of you.DACDQqPdnLw-1

Just let me say this. When shit hits the fan and everything comes crumbling down. I’m just like you. Fed the fuck up! Like seriously.

My husband has been home for five years no deployments it was lovely. Like we became ride or die all over again. Granted that the first five years of our marriage were spent on and off because of deployments. Once with one kid, and then the 2nd time around with two children. No more after that.

Why? Because I’m smart enough to get my tubes tied. Nobody needs more mouths to feed. No Judgement here.. but Q wasn’t about to be popping out no more kids.

What led me to write this letter to you is because in the midst of my car needing a good wash. (Yea because I bought a brand new car over the summer and it’s black. No one cleans a black car or any car quite like my husband..) Cues sad ass music because my car is currently dusty as fuck. Plus I won’t be washing it in the cold.

Ok… But back to the letter. Yea so My car needs to be washed, My microwave quit working on me, and I had quite the episode in the middle of Chicago.

Why was I in Chicago? I thought I was brave enough and strong enough to drive there for a four day. To visit family and friends with two kids by myself. My first dilemma came when I planned a trip, and I forgot I needed someone to watch my dog. (Thanks, Debra.) My friend saved me there.

I haven’t driven over 2 hours by myself in a long time. I underestimated how much help my spouse is on road trips. Because he usually drives more than me. The drive wasn’t bad it was all the stops to pee that were annoying.

It wasn’t the kids that needed to pee, though. Yea, weak bladder problems.

It was all good until they started bickering and getting on each other nerves that I questioned myself with 5 hours left on this trip. Can I still turn around? Umm no you can’t because you have people waiting on you, and now you have money invested in this trip.

Well, the trip was fun. It was. I got a chance to spend time with my cousin Tameka and her growing family. The kids got to see their cousins. We went to an amazing Pumpkin Patch. I got to meet two of my YouTube Friends for the first time.

Last, but not least even though I had an emotional breakdown in the Windy City. I packed up the tears, and I kept on moving. I was able to have a good nights sleep, and I drove 9 1/2 back to Kansas with only two stops.

Even though I wanted to rant and talk about how fucked up it is that my husband is gone. I can’t complain because he sacrifices a lot so that we can be comfortable in life. I love that he’s hard working and we embarked on this military dream together.

I’m not mad at the Army, and I’m not mad at him.

I’m mad at the damn deployment curse that came into my life and causes complete chaos for a week. I still can’t get my shit together since Chicago.

So… Dear Military Spouse. You are not alone. I have crazy, unpredictable things happening too.

I get off work, and I have a plan in my head how I want things to go and your right. It never happens. Like Never. I don’t understand. I’ve had a plan to write #shortstorysunday since last week, and it’s still not complete.

I try to stick to my schedule with posting blogs, recording and working on new books. Plus posting on social media.

That falls apart often.

I’m not making an excuse I’m just letting you know that. Girl, I get it. Boy, I get it.

We need wine every day to make this better.

On the other hand, you don’t want to be that drunk spouse. So put the damn wine glass(mason jar) down.

Nah, but for real I accept gift cards if you want to support my drinking habit.

It’s been good to do a semi vent session. Who needs therapy when I can just write or vlog about my feelings on my YouTube channel for you all to read and see.

Well. This wasn’t a deep get all in your mind type of blog post. Just an FYI I’m a tad bit dramatic. Maybe because Npvemeber is tomorrow. I’ll be back on my grind shit. (POSSIBLY)

— Stay a little. Expect More.


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